10:00pm – DeSantos Residence – Sagebrush
Nico slammed the door to his car and stood outside looking up at the window of his daughter’s room. The light was on; she was still awake. He had left the house at the crack of dawn and stayed at the garage until well after dark. He had even taken the long, long way home: the scenic bypass around the city, back up through the foothills and down the coastline. No radio, no CDs, just dead silence and his thoughts. He was strategizing, trying to come up with the right way to handle this, but most of all he was stalling. The few days he had taken to let himself and Bianca calm down hadn’t given way to a solution to his dilemma. No matter how many ways he tried to get around it, he had no other choice but to tell his daughter the truth.
He entered the house throwing his keys down on table in the foyer and walked past the kitchen forgoing his usual ritual of downing the bottle of beer that his housekeeper, Ms. Brooks, left out for him. He trudged up the steps and paused at the top, listening out for the usual sounds of music or the television coming from Bianca’s room. Hearing nothing, he quietly eased up to her door and listened again; dead silence. Maybe she was asleep.
He made a futile attempt to knock, as it wasn’t his custom anyway, and slowly pushed the door open and went inside. The television was off as was her stereo; she wasn’t even so much as talking on the phone, just laying across the bed, her back to him, her head resting in the palm of her hand. She turned towards sound of the door closing and, realizing that it was him, rolled her eyes as she resumed her previous position. She was definitely awake and definitely still upset.
"Bianca I want to talk to you,” he said as he walked up to the side of her bed, but she didn't respond, didn’t even move. He paused for a moment and let out a sigh before continuing. She wasn’t going to give him an inch; she was as stubborn as a mule, just like him. "I don't like how I left things the other night. I know that you're probably confused about a lot of things that you've heard and I've made it worse by not telling you the truth, but whatever you think, whatever people have been telling you, it's not true. There are things that you don't know; things that you need to know."
Bianca turned back towards him again, an incredulous look on her face, and abruptly hopped up off the bed and over to her desk. She kept her back to him and began restacking a toppled pile of books, fumbling around with loose pens and paper clips, shoving CD cases back onto the shelf; anything to distract her from the painful tightening in her chest. Her eyes fluttered fiercely as she tried to blink back the tears. She didn't want any part of this, not his 'truth' or his excuses. He had made his choice and it wasn't her, and that's all she needed to know. "Don't worry about it dad, I get it now. You want to be with her and I'm in the way. You can tell her everything is fine, her daughter doesn't want a thing from her. She doesn't have to worry about her dirty little secret coming out and she doesn't have to worry about me. Not that she ever did."
If she had been trying the hide the pain in her voice she had failed. He heard every ounce of it and it cut into him, sharp and deep. She didn't understand a thing. She was hurt and confused and he was the only one to blame. "Bianca," he said in a somber voice, "You need to let me explain." He closed the gap between them and put his hand on her shoulder, the grip gentle yet firm, but no sooner than he had touched her she shrugged him off. “There’s nothing to explain. I know exactly where you stand!”
Nico snatched the stack of CDs she was holding and slammed them down on the desk shattering some of the plastic cases. “You don’t know a damn thing, so why don’t you go sit down and listen to what I have to say!” Again she didn’t move and several moments passed with the two of them staring at each other, both determined and unflinching. She studied his face when his expression softened for an instant exposing something beyond the piercing rage in his eyes; a troubled vulnerability she had never seen before.
Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he had chosen her after all and had spent all this time trying to get her mother to see reason. Maybe he had finally given up on the shrew and had come to apologize, or maybe by some miracle he had gotten through to her, made her see what a mistake she had made by leaving them both. Maybe he did have something more to offer than his usual ‘that’s the way things are because I said so’ rationale. She had to be missing something. Why else would he push so hard for her to hear him out? His face tightened up again urging her to submit to his demand and, as much as she wanted to stand her ground, Bianca’s desperate curiosity forced her to break her gaze and retreat to a perch at the edge of her bed. “Go ahead,” she said, her reserved defiance evident in her refusal to look at him.
He took the chair from her desk and sat down in front of her. Any hope of having the ‘right thing to say’ well out his grasp, he decided the fast and painful approach was the only thing to go with. Rip the band aid off quickly and it would only sting for a minute. “Isabella Monacco is not your mother,” he said. A look of irritated skepticism crossed her face and held his hand up, cutting of the rebuttal that was on the tip of her tongue. “I know how it looks and I know what’s in the tabloids but it’s just not true. I should never have let you believe that it was.” Still not convinced, Bianca sucked her teeth and crossed her arms tightly against her torso.
“She was my girlfriend a long time ago, before you were born. We broke up when she left town and I met another girl. I got that girl pregnant, and she’s your mother, not Isabella. Her name was Jenna Torres and she…” but before he could go on Bianca caught the word he had tried to gloss over. Her arms unclenched and dropped heavily at her sides. Her bottom lip began to quiver slightly and a glassy film began to cover her eyes. “Her name was Jenna Torres? So…she is…really dead?” “Yes, she’s dead. She died when you were a few months old.” He stopped talking and watched her for a few moments, her puzzled and sorrowful gaze piercing a hole into his chest, her eyes pleading for answers that he didn’t want to give her, pain that he didn’t want to inflict on her or himself.
How it happened was her inevitable next question, and that was the one he had dreaded the most because he never really had a solid answer for it himself. He had never been able to put his mind around how he could’ve been so stupid and careless, how he could’ve ever underestimated the person who had taken Jenna’s life. Whether it was a calculated move or simple bad timing was irrelevant in his mind; at the end of it all he had made the series of stupid decisions that had caused her to end up in the cross fire.
Swallowing hard and fighting with his own threatening tears he started mentally piecing together a coherent sentence to start with. “Your mother died because of me. Somebody thought I owed them for something that I had nothing to do with. They were after me; they wanted to get to me. I thought I had the situation under control and that you and your mother were safe, but I was wrong,” he said, diverting his eyes from her. “When they couldn’t find me they came after the two of you instead and when they did, I wasn’t there. I should’ve been but I wasn’t and by the time I got there it was too late.” One rogue tear dropped from his eye and he got up from the chair and walked away from her to the other side of the room.
Bianca sat in disbelief, as she watched her father wrestle with the deep emotion that was consuming him. He was like a raw open wound that someone had poured salt in. At the same time the weight of what he had just told her was hitting her hard, worse than her previous delusions about Isabella Monacco. Even if they had been true and the woman hadn’t wanted her, she would’ve at least had a living, breathing possibility that things could change, that she could have the mother/daughter relationship that had proven to be much more important to her than she’d realized. That possibility was gone forever and the indescribable loss she felt was overwhelming. Tears began to stream down her face, each one falling faster than the one before, and her body shook as she struggled to breathe between sobs.
Unable to stand watching her cry anymore, he sat down beside her and put his arms around her shivering frame, but once again she jerked away from him, the ragged look in her eyes revealing that there was much more than sadness there. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before?” she demanded. I had a right to know that she was dead. Why did you let me think that woman was my mother, that she didn’t want me? I had a right to know!”
Nico’s stomach twisted into guilt ridden knots. Had he just told her the truth from the beginning, found some way to be honest when she had asked him the first time when she was a child. ‘Where’s my mommy?’ she had said, her innocent little face as lost and confused as it was now. She wouldn’t have understood then either, but she would have grown up knowing the truth, having years to adjust to the reality instead of being slapped in the face with it all at once. Instead he had been secretive and withholding and put her in a position to ask for her own misery. It was a selfish mistake he would never forgive himself for.
He sat speechless for a moment and finally found his voice at the unfamiliar end of an apology. “Bianca, I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t fair but I didn’t think you would understand. I was only trying to protect you.” She stiffened up and cast a disgusted glare at him. “Well you failed…again. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Just leave me alone!” With that she retreated to her bathroom and slammed the door leaving him shell shocked and forced to pick up the pieces of his broken pride.
*************************************************
Later that night…
“Are you coming, kid?” Rook stood at the front steps looking back at Rider as Ms. Brooks opened the door. “No, I’m staying out here.” Rook shot him a puzzled look before going inside. “Fine, suit yourself.” Rider frowned as he watched him disappear into the house. This would be the one time Rook had brought him along while he talked business with Nico. But there was no way he was going in there, not tonight. Instead he opted to wait outside, leaning back on the car door, a move he would surely catch hell for if Rook saw him doing it. He didn’t care though; something more important than Rook’s paint job had him uneasy. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened the last time he was here, alone in the dark with Bianca.
Comforting her had felt strange yet necessary, and worst of all, in some deep dark place inside of him, having her in his arms had felt good. But in his limited experience the things that he thought were “good” turned out to be “bad” and the “bad” things that this “good” feeling could lead to all began and ended with Nico jamming something into his body whether it be a fist, a knife, or a gun. If he knew anything for sure it was that anyone who messed with Bianca De Santos wouldn’t be messing with her for long.
Nothing had really happened and anyone who looked at it would probably agree, but he still felt that he had violated Nico’s trust in some way; maybe not by his actions but certainly by the thoughts that had accompanied them. He had been so consumed with guilt and fear that he had barely even let those thoughts play all the way out. His confusion about where they had come from in the first place was also throwing him for a loop.
Last thing he knew he couldn’t stand the girl and he was sure that the feeling was mutual. So what the hell had happened in those few minutes? He kept going over it and over it in his head. He looked up at the house, at her window. The lights were out in her room; she was probably sleeping. Another strange and inappropriate thought popped in his head and he grimaced as his body reverberated in disgust at the image that had been conjured up. Bianca was a kid and practically like a little sister to him. How the hell was it possible for him to hate her one minute and want to hold her the next?
The sound of gravel crunching under tires startled him and he turned to see a car slowly approaching him. Although it was dark outside the car’s headlights were off and the slight illumination of the street lights only allowed him to guess at its make and model. He started to move towards it but the driver suddenly started backing up. Before he knew it the car had made a quick three point turn and sped off in the opposite direction. They must have been lost, he thought to himself before resuming his position and diving back into his troubling thoughts.
Nico slammed the door to his car and stood outside looking up at the window of his daughter’s room. The light was on; she was still awake. He had left the house at the crack of dawn and stayed at the garage until well after dark. He had even taken the long, long way home: the scenic bypass around the city, back up through the foothills and down the coastline. No radio, no CDs, just dead silence and his thoughts. He was strategizing, trying to come up with the right way to handle this, but most of all he was stalling. The few days he had taken to let himself and Bianca calm down hadn’t given way to a solution to his dilemma. No matter how many ways he tried to get around it, he had no other choice but to tell his daughter the truth.
He entered the house throwing his keys down on table in the foyer and walked past the kitchen forgoing his usual ritual of downing the bottle of beer that his housekeeper, Ms. Brooks, left out for him. He trudged up the steps and paused at the top, listening out for the usual sounds of music or the television coming from Bianca’s room. Hearing nothing, he quietly eased up to her door and listened again; dead silence. Maybe she was asleep.
He made a futile attempt to knock, as it wasn’t his custom anyway, and slowly pushed the door open and went inside. The television was off as was her stereo; she wasn’t even so much as talking on the phone, just laying across the bed, her back to him, her head resting in the palm of her hand. She turned towards sound of the door closing and, realizing that it was him, rolled her eyes as she resumed her previous position. She was definitely awake and definitely still upset.
"Bianca I want to talk to you,” he said as he walked up to the side of her bed, but she didn't respond, didn’t even move. He paused for a moment and let out a sigh before continuing. She wasn’t going to give him an inch; she was as stubborn as a mule, just like him. "I don't like how I left things the other night. I know that you're probably confused about a lot of things that you've heard and I've made it worse by not telling you the truth, but whatever you think, whatever people have been telling you, it's not true. There are things that you don't know; things that you need to know."
Bianca turned back towards him again, an incredulous look on her face, and abruptly hopped up off the bed and over to her desk. She kept her back to him and began restacking a toppled pile of books, fumbling around with loose pens and paper clips, shoving CD cases back onto the shelf; anything to distract her from the painful tightening in her chest. Her eyes fluttered fiercely as she tried to blink back the tears. She didn't want any part of this, not his 'truth' or his excuses. He had made his choice and it wasn't her, and that's all she needed to know. "Don't worry about it dad, I get it now. You want to be with her and I'm in the way. You can tell her everything is fine, her daughter doesn't want a thing from her. She doesn't have to worry about her dirty little secret coming out and she doesn't have to worry about me. Not that she ever did."
If she had been trying the hide the pain in her voice she had failed. He heard every ounce of it and it cut into him, sharp and deep. She didn't understand a thing. She was hurt and confused and he was the only one to blame. "Bianca," he said in a somber voice, "You need to let me explain." He closed the gap between them and put his hand on her shoulder, the grip gentle yet firm, but no sooner than he had touched her she shrugged him off. “There’s nothing to explain. I know exactly where you stand!”
Nico snatched the stack of CDs she was holding and slammed them down on the desk shattering some of the plastic cases. “You don’t know a damn thing, so why don’t you go sit down and listen to what I have to say!” Again she didn’t move and several moments passed with the two of them staring at each other, both determined and unflinching. She studied his face when his expression softened for an instant exposing something beyond the piercing rage in his eyes; a troubled vulnerability she had never seen before.
Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he had chosen her after all and had spent all this time trying to get her mother to see reason. Maybe he had finally given up on the shrew and had come to apologize, or maybe by some miracle he had gotten through to her, made her see what a mistake she had made by leaving them both. Maybe he did have something more to offer than his usual ‘that’s the way things are because I said so’ rationale. She had to be missing something. Why else would he push so hard for her to hear him out? His face tightened up again urging her to submit to his demand and, as much as she wanted to stand her ground, Bianca’s desperate curiosity forced her to break her gaze and retreat to a perch at the edge of her bed. “Go ahead,” she said, her reserved defiance evident in her refusal to look at him.
He took the chair from her desk and sat down in front of her. Any hope of having the ‘right thing to say’ well out his grasp, he decided the fast and painful approach was the only thing to go with. Rip the band aid off quickly and it would only sting for a minute. “Isabella Monacco is not your mother,” he said. A look of irritated skepticism crossed her face and held his hand up, cutting of the rebuttal that was on the tip of her tongue. “I know how it looks and I know what’s in the tabloids but it’s just not true. I should never have let you believe that it was.” Still not convinced, Bianca sucked her teeth and crossed her arms tightly against her torso.
“She was my girlfriend a long time ago, before you were born. We broke up when she left town and I met another girl. I got that girl pregnant, and she’s your mother, not Isabella. Her name was Jenna Torres and she…” but before he could go on Bianca caught the word he had tried to gloss over. Her arms unclenched and dropped heavily at her sides. Her bottom lip began to quiver slightly and a glassy film began to cover her eyes. “Her name was Jenna Torres? So…she is…really dead?” “Yes, she’s dead. She died when you were a few months old.” He stopped talking and watched her for a few moments, her puzzled and sorrowful gaze piercing a hole into his chest, her eyes pleading for answers that he didn’t want to give her, pain that he didn’t want to inflict on her or himself.
How it happened was her inevitable next question, and that was the one he had dreaded the most because he never really had a solid answer for it himself. He had never been able to put his mind around how he could’ve been so stupid and careless, how he could’ve ever underestimated the person who had taken Jenna’s life. Whether it was a calculated move or simple bad timing was irrelevant in his mind; at the end of it all he had made the series of stupid decisions that had caused her to end up in the cross fire.
Swallowing hard and fighting with his own threatening tears he started mentally piecing together a coherent sentence to start with. “Your mother died because of me. Somebody thought I owed them for something that I had nothing to do with. They were after me; they wanted to get to me. I thought I had the situation under control and that you and your mother were safe, but I was wrong,” he said, diverting his eyes from her. “When they couldn’t find me they came after the two of you instead and when they did, I wasn’t there. I should’ve been but I wasn’t and by the time I got there it was too late.” One rogue tear dropped from his eye and he got up from the chair and walked away from her to the other side of the room.
Bianca sat in disbelief, as she watched her father wrestle with the deep emotion that was consuming him. He was like a raw open wound that someone had poured salt in. At the same time the weight of what he had just told her was hitting her hard, worse than her previous delusions about Isabella Monacco. Even if they had been true and the woman hadn’t wanted her, she would’ve at least had a living, breathing possibility that things could change, that she could have the mother/daughter relationship that had proven to be much more important to her than she’d realized. That possibility was gone forever and the indescribable loss she felt was overwhelming. Tears began to stream down her face, each one falling faster than the one before, and her body shook as she struggled to breathe between sobs.
Unable to stand watching her cry anymore, he sat down beside her and put his arms around her shivering frame, but once again she jerked away from him, the ragged look in her eyes revealing that there was much more than sadness there. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before?” she demanded. I had a right to know that she was dead. Why did you let me think that woman was my mother, that she didn’t want me? I had a right to know!”
Nico’s stomach twisted into guilt ridden knots. Had he just told her the truth from the beginning, found some way to be honest when she had asked him the first time when she was a child. ‘Where’s my mommy?’ she had said, her innocent little face as lost and confused as it was now. She wouldn’t have understood then either, but she would have grown up knowing the truth, having years to adjust to the reality instead of being slapped in the face with it all at once. Instead he had been secretive and withholding and put her in a position to ask for her own misery. It was a selfish mistake he would never forgive himself for.
He sat speechless for a moment and finally found his voice at the unfamiliar end of an apology. “Bianca, I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t fair but I didn’t think you would understand. I was only trying to protect you.” She stiffened up and cast a disgusted glare at him. “Well you failed…again. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Just leave me alone!” With that she retreated to her bathroom and slammed the door leaving him shell shocked and forced to pick up the pieces of his broken pride.
*************************************************
Later that night…
“Are you coming, kid?” Rook stood at the front steps looking back at Rider as Ms. Brooks opened the door. “No, I’m staying out here.” Rook shot him a puzzled look before going inside. “Fine, suit yourself.” Rider frowned as he watched him disappear into the house. This would be the one time Rook had brought him along while he talked business with Nico. But there was no way he was going in there, not tonight. Instead he opted to wait outside, leaning back on the car door, a move he would surely catch hell for if Rook saw him doing it. He didn’t care though; something more important than Rook’s paint job had him uneasy. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened the last time he was here, alone in the dark with Bianca.
Comforting her had felt strange yet necessary, and worst of all, in some deep dark place inside of him, having her in his arms had felt good. But in his limited experience the things that he thought were “good” turned out to be “bad” and the “bad” things that this “good” feeling could lead to all began and ended with Nico jamming something into his body whether it be a fist, a knife, or a gun. If he knew anything for sure it was that anyone who messed with Bianca De Santos wouldn’t be messing with her for long.
Nothing had really happened and anyone who looked at it would probably agree, but he still felt that he had violated Nico’s trust in some way; maybe not by his actions but certainly by the thoughts that had accompanied them. He had been so consumed with guilt and fear that he had barely even let those thoughts play all the way out. His confusion about where they had come from in the first place was also throwing him for a loop.
Last thing he knew he couldn’t stand the girl and he was sure that the feeling was mutual. So what the hell had happened in those few minutes? He kept going over it and over it in his head. He looked up at the house, at her window. The lights were out in her room; she was probably sleeping. Another strange and inappropriate thought popped in his head and he grimaced as his body reverberated in disgust at the image that had been conjured up. Bianca was a kid and practically like a little sister to him. How the hell was it possible for him to hate her one minute and want to hold her the next?
The sound of gravel crunching under tires startled him and he turned to see a car slowly approaching him. Although it was dark outside the car’s headlights were off and the slight illumination of the street lights only allowed him to guess at its make and model. He started to move towards it but the driver suddenly started backing up. Before he knew it the car had made a quick three point turn and sped off in the opposite direction. They must have been lost, he thought to himself before resuming his position and diving back into his troubling thoughts.
ok, blogger is being rude!
ReplyDeletePoor Bianca! I could feel Nico's pain as he told her the truth. The reason behind her mother's death has to be painful for him!
Rider...oh boy! lol
I'm giving Nico a party. Ok it might start out with a few hard slaps, but he finally did talk to Bianca. And she did exactly what thought she'd do. Get mad. Pounce off. Leaving Gorgeous and Brooding to sit there....can he get any hotter?
ReplyDeleteBut now we know. It wasn't Isabella.
Unless he's lying.
Hmmmm.....
Rook and Bianca... oh yes honey, it is possible to hate her and then NOT hate her
Muzegoddess. I have to say this. Your shots are freaking INCREDIBLE. The lighting, the detail, the emotion, and that last shot totally blew me away! Except Rook is going into the dark side, but the shot is still lucious....
Hey Qui. Yes blogger bites sometimes.
ReplyDeleteNico feels responsible for what happened to Bianca's mother. It's a big part of the reason he is the way he is. Unfortunately his daughter has paid the price more often than not.
And Rider...he has a big, big problem I don't think he'll get rid of anytime soon :)
Thanks Beth! Nico's hot ass definately deserves the slaps. There is no way things should've come to this. And he is telling her the whole truth this time. Issy is definately not Bianca's mother.
ReplyDeleteRider doesn't know which way is up then it comes to Bianca. He did hate her, he wants to still hate her, but he's realizing that he doesn't and he hates that.
Thank you, thank you so much for the compliment about the shots. I was NOT at all sure they were working because I didn't spend "hours" on them. Glad they look good.
Well, I'm relieved that Nico finally told Bianca. Too little too late, but at least she knows the truth now. I do think she still has every right to be angry with him, though.
ReplyDeleteI loved Rider's internal monologue. He's so conflicted when it comes to Bianca and I love it. Still rooting for those two to get together once she's no longer jail-bait.
Am I crazy, or do Rider and Cross look somewhat alike in certain parts of the face?
Dinuriel I am relieved too. It took me a long time to get here but I am glad the truth is out and yes Nico deserves the anger coming from his daughter. That's not a secret you keep from someone their whole life.
ReplyDeleteBianca being jail bait is only one of a few good reasons Rider is scared shitless about his feelings for her. Nico is the biggest one and he should be afraid of that.
...Rider and Cross huh? Interesting :)
That last shot...oh man I hope Ryder tells Nico or Rook about the car...
ReplyDeleteOK. Finally Nico tells the truth. I don't blame him for wanting to protect Bianca all these years but he had to know he owed her the truth when she was old enough to handle it.
Of course it didn't ease her pain much. She needs to give her father a break and I think at some point she will see where he was coming from even if it was ill-advised.
I love how you described the scene in her room, using her surroundings to emphasize her feelings. This was as usual a stunning piece.
Hi Gayl. Rider should definately tell Nico about that car, but I don't know if he will. He's really bothered by this Bianca thing and it is consuming him because the feelings are new.
ReplyDeleteClearly Nico doesn't have the best track record with telling people things they need to know. But I think you're right, Bianca will probably come around eventually. But this was a big blow for her. She really thought she had things figured out and now that's all gone. I think Nico is in for some more bumps in the road when it comes to his relationship with his daughter.
Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it.
O wow. Well Nico made quite the hole this time.
ReplyDeleteHi Sinclair. A hole is one word for it. He's certainly dug himself into something that's not going to play out well.
ReplyDeleteOh man! He finally tells her the truth but it does kinda suck that he didn't tell her earlier!:( And for Bianca's mother's death to come about because of him has to make Nico ill and all sorts of mad. Poor Bianca!:(
ReplyDeleteLord Rider! You sure know how to get yourself into messes don't you? LOL!! Any girl and you had to pick Bianca. I guess that's the way it works sometimes huh? I hope he tells Nico about that car. That's definitely not a good thing!
I love the whole vibe you have going on here! Sorry it took so long for me to get to your update!:(
Phoenix you've been sick as a dog so don't even worry about coming a little late to the party.
ReplyDeleteNico feels like crap about everything regarding Bianca's mother and it is the main reason he didn't and most likely won't talk about it. But he at least realizes how selfish he was being.
Knowing Rider he might not mention that car for a while, he's to busy having impure thoughts about Nico's daughter. And that is a mess waiting to happen.
Thank you!! And I hope you feel better.
Poor Bianca! I feel so bad for her... I really wanted Isabella to be her mother, at least she is still alive, but now there is no hope of ever meeting her mother, she is already dead :(
ReplyDeleteI do fell sorry for Nico too, his guilt and the pain he feels is palpable, Bianca is his everything and this conversation must had been really hard that's why he kept on postponing it...
Rider... oh oh... he seems to have fallen (love?) before he realized... good luck for him, because if he hurts Bianca, Nico will kill him, I doubt Nico would be too happy about Rider having some "Feelings" for his daughter...
Beautiful writing like always!